hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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