He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm sobbing to NWA
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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