Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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