plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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