totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
