I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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