i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
