I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
