Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
