Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
