Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
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It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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