Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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