i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
