when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
