the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
