You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
