He managed to light the Jello on fire...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
