Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
