ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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