hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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