He asked me if I "almost moaned"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
did i walk over a car last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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