Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
