im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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