Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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