piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
