Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
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Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
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He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
This toilet bowl is my home.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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