She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
