I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
