Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
