Christians are straight up FREAKS
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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