"it" just moved
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
