Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
