A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
