foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
