Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
