I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
