oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
only you would photoshop your dick
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
