normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Randomize
