the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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