I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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