Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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