This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
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i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
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Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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