On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
