I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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