I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I hate all girls vehemently.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
