wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
