Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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