Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
