Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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