dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
