You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
