If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
