OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
