party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I could have mohawked her pubes.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
