She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
