If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
