you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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