I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
