He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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