if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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