If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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