my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
